A few weeks ago I bought a copy of How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie for my 18-year old daughter, a freshman in college.
I remember reading it after graduating, embarking on my new life out in the “real world.” It was recommended to me by a professor who believed that this book should be required reading for every college student. He was right. (more…)
The wonderful website — www.the52Weeks.com–which is a blog by two women, Pamela Godwin and Karen Amster-Young, and their attempt at doing something new or different, facing challenges and moving forward in some way each week for 52 weeks. It’s all about crossing things off their ”to-do” lists – both big and small, with the hope of inspiring others to do the same–posted one of my blogs on their blog today! Here it is . . . Enjoy!
Lose the Clutter, Find Your Life?
by PAM GODWIN
This is a guest post by Barbara Hannah Grufferman. She is the author of the hugely popular book, The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts’ Guide to Style, Sex, (more…)
No one is immune.
We’ve all had someone, at some point in our lives, even when we were in elementary school, or just last year, who . . . brought us down.
Someone who always had to have the focus on her.
Someone who felt better about herself by making you feel or look bad.
Someone who never once asked how YOU were doing, but spent gobs of time telling you how SHE was doing (complaining the whole time, no doubt).
Someone who just brought you down.
I’ve had that kind of person in my life. I’ve had that kind of person in my life more than once.
The “before 50″ me would keep that person in my life, because . . . I was expected to. After all, how could I “drop” a person? Even if she was toxic.
The “after 50″ me knows better. Toxic people don’t make the cut anymore. There’s no room for them. I have too much joy and love and happiness and energy and there simply is no room for them in here.
Julie Morgenstern is known as the “Queen of Organization.” But, she’s so much more than that. When I first went to her while researching my chapter on organization, I was expecting to get fabulous tips on straightening out of my closets and downgrading my junk drawers to “miscellaneous stuff” drawers. I left our first meeting with the tools and courage to shed more than things . . . to also let go of people who were bringing me down, and stopping me from seeing myself clearly.
These are people who are just as de-energizing and depleting as the boxes of old magazines that are piling up in your den. But, if she drains you every time you get together because she whines and complains about her life, but she never listens to your advice or asks how you’re doing . . . that’s a sure sign that it’s time to shake her loose.
Julie advises us to think it through the ramifications very carefully before acting. If completely cutting off the relationship isn’t possible, try to reinvent it. Maybe she’ll get the message and start to back away from the relationship, too . . . but don’t count on it. Toxic people like these kinds of relationships, because they make THEM feel good.
Be honest with yourself about which relationships feed you, and which deplete you.
You’ll know what to do.
Best of Everything,
Barbara
I don’t want more stuff . . . I have enough stuff, too much stuff. I’m taking the great advice from Julie Morgenstern (which I share in THE BEST OF EVERYTHING AFTER 50), and I’m paring back, de-cluttering, making room for . . .
. . . more.
The “more” I want is harder to get. I can’t buy it in a store or through amazon.com. I can’t borrow or steal it. But, I want it. I want more.
I want more time . . .
And guess what? Because I’ve gotten rid of stuff and things and obligations and even people who dragged me down . . . I’m getting it.
More time to write, to read, to connect, to focus on matters and people that have meaning to me.
I’m getting greedy. I want more, more, more.
That’s okay, isn’t it?
Best of Everything,
Barbara
Got mess?
It’s Spring . . . time to think about moving ahead . . . unencumbered by clutter, stuff that can hold you back, drag you down, and stop you from forging ahead.
But, how do you define clutter?
According to Julie Morgenstern, a key expert in The Best of Everything After 50 and the #1 organization expert in the country, clutter can be objects (objects you’ve accumulated over the years), obligations (being on the board of your coop, for example), and even people.
When I interviewed Julie for my book, I thought I was going to get some good, solid advice on clearing out my closets, but I came away with an entire new framwork for dealing with my life. Julie started the conversation by asking me to–in one sentence–define my vision for my future (what she also calls a “theme”). It was so clear to me: I wanted to simplify my life–my hair, makeup, clothes, environment, fitness routine, everything. That, she said, is my starting point. Everything that holds me back from going toward this vision, should be shed from my life.
This was my own personal AHA! moment. Since that meeting over a year ago, I have defined my clutter, and have worked very hard–little by little– to remove most of it from my life.
The result? My life is less complicated, simpler, and my routines (hair, makeup, health, fitness, and so on) are streamlined and distilled. Julie’s framework helped me curate the best of the best information, and bring it all down to the most essential points.
What is your vision?
Best of everything,
Barbara