Archive for May, 2010

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DON’T BRING ME DOWN

Saturday, May 29th, 2010

No one is immune.

We’ve all had someone, at some point in our lives, even when we were in elementary school, or just last year, who . . . brought us down.

Someone who always had to have the focus on her.

Someone who felt better about herself by making you feel or look bad.

Someone who never once asked how YOU were doing, but spent gobs of time telling you how SHE was doing (complaining the whole time, no doubt).

Someone who just brought you down.

I’ve had that kind of person in my life.  I’ve had that kind of person in my life more than once. 

The “before 50″ me would keep that person in my life, because . . . I was expected to.  After all, how could I “drop” a person?  Even if she was toxic.

The “after 50″ me knows better.  Toxic people don’t make the cut anymore.  There’s no room for them.  I have too much joy and love and happiness and energy and there simply is no room for them in here.

Julie Morgenstern is known as the “Queen of Organization.” But, she’s so much more than that.  When I first went to her while researching my chapter on organization, I was expecting to get fabulous tips on straightening out of my closets and downgrading my junk drawers to “miscellaneous stuff” drawers.  I left our first meeting with the tools and courage to shed more than things . . . to also let go of people who were bringing me down, and stopping me from seeing myself clearly. 

These are people who are just as de-energizing and depleting as the boxes of old magazines that are piling up in your den.  But, if she drains you every time you get together because she whines and complains about her life, but she never listens to your advice or asks how you’re doing . . . that’s a sure sign that it’s time to shake her loose.

Julie advises us to think it through the ramifications very carefully before acting.  If completely cutting off the relationship isn’t possible, try to reinvent it.  Maybe she’ll get the message and start to back away from the relationship, too . . . but don’t count on it.  Toxic people like these kinds of relationships, because they make THEM feel good. 

Be honest with yourself about which relationships feed you, and which deplete you.

You’ll know what to do.

Best of Everything,

Barbara

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Posted in Organizing Your Life | 4 Comments »

The Best of Everything After 50 Woman of the Week: Madeline Bay Lukens

Friday, May 28th, 2010

I’m on a mission. 

I want women everywhere to feel good about themselves.  And, why not?  WHY NOT??

We’ve worked hard, cared for others, and we’ve so earned the right to feel good about ourselves. 

I have another mission.

To encourage women to encourage other women.  Any, why not?  WHY NOT??

To that end, I have vowed to do my part.  For starters, I wrote a book that will hopefully encourage women over 50 to take charge fo their lives.  Then, I try my best to support, motivate and cheer my women friends on. The other day, I had an idea . . . to highlight a woman every week, who has used the information in THE BEST OF EVERYTHING AFTER 50 to improve, sometimes even transform, her life.  Then, when you read  her story, you, too, can cheer her on so she keeps going! 

So, this is the inaugural “The Best of Everything After 50 Woman of the Week” blog.  This week, you will meet a wonderful, charming, artistic, and vibrant woman named Madeline Bay Lukens.  Madeline, like many of us, got so caught up in caring for everyone else in her life, that she stopped taking care of Madeline.  But, that’s all changed now. 

Here’s Madeline’s story, in her own words.  Read . . . and cheer!

“Last winter, I was very sick with pneumonia, and stuck in bed for 6 weeks.  My two kids were at college, so this gave me plenty of time to think about my life. I realized that I hadn’t been doing anything creative anymore.  Back in college, I had been an art and music major, and now . . . no art, no music, no creativity. Soon after, I saw a gorgeous, but expensive, bracelet in a catalog, and decided that I would try to make one for myself.  I did. I made more, and before I knew it, I was selling bracelets on www.etsy.com. 

 I began to feel the reawakening of the brave, artistic, free-spirited young woman that I once was . . . and realized that after many years of marriage, and caring for my family (husband, kids and parents), I still had the time to do what I loved, and decided then and there that I was going to make this time of my life . . . my time.

 When I saw Barbara on the Today Show, talking about The Best of Everything After 50.  I decided to buy it, and use the programs, especially those that would help me lose my “unhappiness weight.” I made a commitment to become fit, fabulous and fearless for the rest of my life. 

 My eating has completely changed.  I now eat every 2 – 3 hours, so I’m never hungry, and I don’t get that low blood sugar level “crash.”  And, I’ve started eating lots of dark, leafy greens, more nuts, more organically grown foods, and have cut out the sugar, and stopped eating red meat (just fish and chicken). One of the hardest things for me was giving up my Snapple. Now, I drink mostly water and tea.

 I work out now –on the treadmill, walking and using a Zumba Dance DVD — which keeps me moving every day. At some point, I may start to add running into my walking program also, as advised in the book.

 Result so far?  I’ve lost 30 lbs. and have moved out of the “plus sizes” into the “misses’ sizes” for the first time in 16 years! I have more weight to lose, but I now know I can do it.  My self-esteem has sky-rocketed.

 Then, I decided to focus on my hair.  Like Barbara, I have naturally curly/wavy hair, but had been blow-drying it for 35 years, and so no longer even knew what my real hair looked like. It was also at this time that I was diagnosed with scarring alopecia, an irreversible hair loss condition that will eventually make me lose all my hair permanently.  But, for now, I’ve started the “hair program” that’s in the book, using the Deva products, and my hair looks better than ever!  I know that I will continue to lose hair, but there’s no question that this program is helping to make my hair look great, which makes me feel great!

 I have been unemployed, which contributed to my feeling of powerlessness. But, now that I look and feel so much better, I’m ready to get back into the workforce. This coming fall, after my kids have gone back to college, I plan to re-read the chapter on “What’s Next” and start to investigate all the opportunities that are waiting for me, including continuing with my jewelry design.

 The best and most important thing I’ve gotten out of this whole experience is the way I feel about myself – strong, brave, and artistic.  I feel as though I’ve found ME again! I’m feeling empowered and fabulous!”

Madeline is an amazing woman who is truly the epitome of the Best of Everything After 50! 

All the best,

Barbara

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Posted in General, Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

Blog Talk Radio “Real Women On Health!” Show (Live)

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

Hosts Kelley Connors and Cassie Holme talked with me about the most important things women can do to make sure they stay healthy after 50.

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ROAD MAPS THAT LEAD TO NOWHERE

Friday, May 21st, 2010

Summer.  Time to show off the gams, especially now that they’re toned from all the running (with walk breaks) that you’ve been doing!

But, for the last few years, I’ve seen a noticeable change in the look of my legs–I have these little squiggly things happening all over, especially around my thighs.  My grandmother had them, and so does my mother.  Age, genetics, hormones, extra weight, menopause . . . these are the main culprits behind those annoying little “spider veins” that mysteriously appear and spread all around your legs . . . like a road map that leads to nowhere.

And, the really frustrating thing is that even if you spend the time and money to zap them away (see suggestions below) . . . new ones inevitably pop up, especially if you — like me — are genetically inclined.

What to do?  I put this question to Dr. Patricia Wexler, a key expert I interviewed for my chapter on skin care in The Best of Everything After 50.  Here’s what she recommends:

Get rid of them  . . . but keep in mind that new ones will appear eventually, so you may need to redo the treatment every 2 – 3 years.

  • Sclerotherapy:  This is the gold standard for treating spider veins, because it works.  The veins are injected with a saline solution that causes them to collapse and disappear.  Voila’! Magically gone.  Cost can range from $250 – $600 per treatment.
  • Laser Treatment: This is a newer approach to treating spider veins, and doctors often use this in combination with sclerotherapy.  The cost is about the same.

 Prevent them . . . not always easy, but there are definitely things you can do to help:

  • Raise your legs:  This is especially useful for varicose veins, but I’ve found that fewer spider veins have been appearing since I started to do this.  Lie on a yoga mat or rug with your tush against the wall, and put your legs straight up, leaning on the wall for support.  It feels good for alot of reasons, and lets all the blood flow back down from your feet and legs.  It really helps with swelling that can sometimes occur in the feet and ankles at the end of a long day.  Put some olive oil in your hair as a pre-wash conditioner, some tea bags on your eyes and . . . relax.  All good.
  • Lose weight: The more extra weight you have on your legs . . . the more your veins will expand and show.
  • Exercise your body: Moving will reduce the pressure on your veins and keep your blood flowing. 

Cover them up . . . especially if you don’t want to endure the prick of the sclerotherapy needles, or spend the money:

  • Use a self-tanner (not a real tan!!):  Use a self-tanner all year long to help camouflage the veins.  In the cooler months, use a moisturizer that gradually tans (Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer is a good choice) and in summer, try a true self-tanning or instant bronzing product (L’Oreal Paris Sublime Bronze Luminous Bronzer Self-Tanning Lotion is great).
  • Try leg makeup:  Leg makeup is especially useful if you’re going out, and don’t want to wear stockings.  Great choices include Sally Hansen Airbrush Leg Makeup (my favorite) or Scott Barnes Body Bling (available at Victoria’s Secret).

Okay . . . get that box out of the closet with your summer skirts and shorts . . . you’re ready now.

Best of everything,

Barbara

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SEX: WE’RE MORE THAN THE SUM OF OUR URGES

Friday, May 14th, 2010

According to Dr. Helen Fischer, the brilliant biological anthropologist, there is an ancient human tendency to marry and remarry, which she calls the “four year itch.”  Millions of  years ago (and even more recently than that) it was assumed that if a child lived to see age four, she would survive. The “parents” were then free to move on to new sexual adventures, and the child would be passed on to the group, where the “it takes a village” mentality would kick in.  

This dates back millions of  years to a time when men and women were EQUALS on many different levels–economically, socially and sexually. Some gathered, some hunted. But there’s one thing they all did, rather equally and frequently — they had sex.  They had to!!  How else could the human race survive and thrive?  The only way to secure the future was to have lots and lots of sex, with lots and lots of different partners. 

And, boy did they ever!  Well, we’re all  here, so I guess the system worked.

While all this hanky panky was going on, different hormones kicked in with each new sexual experience, to increase the pleasure . . . creating a feeling of passion and euphoria, causing everyone to want more, more, more. Clearly, the human body was designed to be this highly efficient hunting, gathering, sexual, procreating machine.

Okay, why am I telling you this?

 To try to make some sense out of why people have affairs.  Why so many men AND women risk everything–families, jobs, lives–for a night or two (or more) of passion. At a lecture I attended recently, Dr. Fischer proclaimed that we have affairs because we are BIOLOGICALLY HARD-WIRED to have them, that we can’t help ourselves. Men need to spread the sperm and women need to procreate. Simple.

BUT, thankfully she also believes in free will. We may be programmed to do this, but it doesn’t mean we have to. And, that’s the crux of it. Isn’t it better to focus our energies and love and bodies on the partner with whom we chose to make a home and a family?  I am not being a prude or judgemental . . . but very practical. 

Esther Perel, author of “Mating in Captivity” and the expert I consulted for my chapter on sex in THE BEST OF EVEYTHING AFTER 50, explained the psychology behind it all.  Very often, people (men and women) have affairs because they have lost something or someone in the last year or two.  Perhaps someone close to them died, or left home, or they lost a job.  Even more profound, Esther has found that women especially can feel as though they’ve lost a part of themselves, and by having an affair, they can reclaim it.  For both men and women, it can be neatly tied up in a big bow and called “midlife crisis.” Interestingly enough, people usually don’t have affairs because they no longer love their partners. 

So, we’re presented with a mixed bag of biological and psychological tendencies to cheat.  All of us. Seems as though none of us are immune.

What to do? 

I spent a great deal of time with Esther when researching and writing my chapter on sex.  And it really comes down to this: unless you’re in a relationship that is detrimental to your physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological well being . . . you should fight against these tendencies with every ounce of will power you have. 

We’re over 50. Maybe we’re bored with our partners, or annoyed by those same qualities and characteristics that we found so charming twenty years  ago. Or, sex has slowed down because you’re both tired, over-worked, too busy. There are zillions of reasons one could give as to why sex is often placed on the back burner, and why you might want to succumb to the urges that are inherent in all of us, and have a fling with someone new. 

But, consider this: Why not make that “someone new”  . . . the partner you already have? 

How?

Ahhhhh.  Excellent question. That’s the next blog . . .

Best of Everything,

Barbara

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Posted in Sex | 2 Comments »

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